It would have been my Nana's birthday today. I don't even know how old she'd have been. I'm not sure if anyone but my Pop knew her actual age. My Nana died not long after my sister, Erin, was born. She was my whole world. I loved her more than anything in this world and I knew I was her favourite. She told me as such so many times.
Unconsciously, to make the day go faster, I cleaned up my room, really cleaned it. I went through tons of drawers and cubby holes, threw out loads of paperwork and junk that I no longer need. Just to keep myself busy. No one seems to know how much I miss her. No one really cares. I mentioned to my dad a couple of years ago that it was her birthday and he just said, "So?". She was his mother. I haven't mentioned it since.
I still think about her often. A lot of my actions are... curbed because I like to think that she is watching over me. There are so many things I wish I could say to her, so many thing I wish I could do for her, but I can't. I want to apologise to her for being angry at her when she died, I want to sing for her like she asked me too, instead of refusing her wish, I want to hug her again, I want to feel safe, but I know I can't and sometimes, that really hurts.
I found a biography this morning while I was cleaning my room. I'd written it in year 7, for Social Studies. For the past few years, I've been more than upset with myself because I couldn't remember exactly when my Nana had died. Was it in 1995, which was when I was in Grade five? I was sure that I was at Elizabeth St when It happened. Or was it 1994? The year Erin was born because I distinctly remember that Nana never got to see Erin again, after she was born. The biography had, in big numbers, her date of death listed as 3/11/1995. Now I know.
She's been gone 11 years this year and I'm the only one that cares. I realised something else not long ago. I have no emotions. Sometimes I feel like a robot. I look inside myself and there is nothing there. I don't feel anger, in fact, the only time I can actually remember getting really angry was when I was watching Farenheight 9/11. I don't feel joy; I can't list one moment when I've felt especially happy. I know I love people, but the feeling is just not there when I look.
Greg says I'm detached and I think he's right. I think I know when it started too, the detached feeling. I pinned it to when Nana died. I was 11, so when she died, she took some part of me with her, something I'll never get back. I think another part is because I was so angry with her when she died. She'd made promises to me and she hadn't kept them. I hated her for that. Pretty quickly I learnt how futile that was. Now, I just miss her. I'll see her again, I know she's waiting for me. I just wish I wasn't the only one in my world who cared.
Happy Birthday, Nana.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Nightmares
I had work again last night. I knew from the start that it wasn't going to be a good night. I was working alongside Hayley. I could never have even guessed just how bad it would be.
The night started off slowly, as it usually does. There was the usual cleaning up after departed functions, setting up of the bar (which I forgot to do), helping out at reception and the fixing of minor details for the function. As soon as I signed on, I was dismissed by Hayley, "Food needs to come out for the that group". That was the details she gave me. That's it.
Confused, I waited there for a moment, expecting a bit more from her, but it never came. Shrugging, I headed into the kitchen where Kylie was and asked her where the food was going. She thought it was going to one of the function rooms. The function room in question had about 15 people in it. The food was for 10. I didn't think that was right. Kylie didn't either. It turned out, the food was for the women who were sitting in the lounge, waiting for the meeting to finish.
That was the first hiccup of the night. It just proceeded to get worse after that. Little by little.
I was made to do the entire function on my own. Normally, I wouldn't mind, as my other supervisor, Tim, usually has me look after a function solo, too... The difference was that when I do a function for Tim, he actually comes around fairly often to see if I need any help. He actually asks me if I'm okay, offers help. Hayley, once I've started the function, will ignore me for most of the night, only turning up when she figures she should, out of duty. I didn't even have a chance to say, "no, I'm okay. Everything is under control."
She's not a good supervisor, despite having worked at a major hotel in Melbourne long ago. A short way into the night, before the food had even come out, she was already pissing me off, taking orders for drinks, then passing it off to me, nor writing down what she took out, then telling me and expecting me to remember what she said. As if I can remember a muttered "2 Sterlings, 3 Crowns, 2 glasses of chardonnay and 2 bottles of the Woolpunda" as she quickly walks past while I'm serving 2 Cascade light to some customers. I only can just remember it now!
While clearing the entrees (which were soups, so, heavy!) I cleared almost the whole room on my own; Hayley turned up as I was starting the last table. She "helped".
It was the same for main course. Things changed after desserts were brought out, though. The soups for the entrees had been pumpkin and minestrone. There was some left over so staff got them. Seeing as though it was my function, by rights, I get first choice of food. Damien, head of cafe, came and asked me if I wanted the soup. "I don't want soup" was my reply. So he claimed the minestrone for himself. There was sticky date pudding for dessert. There were extras of that also. Damien came to see me. "Are you having the sticky date?" "I don't eat sticky date" I replied. He was happy.
Anyway,back to the point of this. Later on, after desserts, I was doing tea and coffee (sort of. I had to get Fran to help me because the coffee hadn't been made and there was no sugar and creamers on the table) and I was frantically bringing out the creamers set. I kicked the storeroom door open, since my hands were full and I heard a loud, shocked "Oh!" and a crash.
Hayley had been coming out of the kitchen with Damien's soup (no one knows why, though we suspect it's because she wants him)and I had kicked the door into her. I felt so bad. To sum it up, I cleaned it up, with a smile on my face because I had hurt her, even by accident. I felt so guilty though. I had been talking to Kylie earlier on, asking her if I could punch Hayley. It seemed like fate. I still feel bad about it.
On my break later, which went for longer than it should have, Kylie came in and talked to me, since the kitchen was finished, and she told me that after I had accidentally rammed the door into Hayley, the woman had stormed into the kitchen cursing my name. "Fucking Amber, spilt soup everywhere. She knocked the fucking door into me". Kylie's just gone, "hang on, it's not Amber's fault".
It was a bad night. It got marginally better when Hayley left. Kylie cheered me up at the end of the night too. Thanks. I appreciate it. Damien wasn't happy at the end of the night either. We talked about it and we both agree; this place would run a lot smoother if she wasn't there.
The night started off slowly, as it usually does. There was the usual cleaning up after departed functions, setting up of the bar (which I forgot to do), helping out at reception and the fixing of minor details for the function. As soon as I signed on, I was dismissed by Hayley, "Food needs to come out for the that group". That was the details she gave me. That's it.
Confused, I waited there for a moment, expecting a bit more from her, but it never came. Shrugging, I headed into the kitchen where Kylie was and asked her where the food was going. She thought it was going to one of the function rooms. The function room in question had about 15 people in it. The food was for 10. I didn't think that was right. Kylie didn't either. It turned out, the food was for the women who were sitting in the lounge, waiting for the meeting to finish.
That was the first hiccup of the night. It just proceeded to get worse after that. Little by little.
I was made to do the entire function on my own. Normally, I wouldn't mind, as my other supervisor, Tim, usually has me look after a function solo, too... The difference was that when I do a function for Tim, he actually comes around fairly often to see if I need any help. He actually asks me if I'm okay, offers help. Hayley, once I've started the function, will ignore me for most of the night, only turning up when she figures she should, out of duty. I didn't even have a chance to say, "no, I'm okay. Everything is under control."
She's not a good supervisor, despite having worked at a major hotel in Melbourne long ago. A short way into the night, before the food had even come out, she was already pissing me off, taking orders for drinks, then passing it off to me, nor writing down what she took out, then telling me and expecting me to remember what she said. As if I can remember a muttered "2 Sterlings, 3 Crowns, 2 glasses of chardonnay and 2 bottles of the Woolpunda" as she quickly walks past while I'm serving 2 Cascade light to some customers. I only can just remember it now!
While clearing the entrees (which were soups, so, heavy!) I cleared almost the whole room on my own; Hayley turned up as I was starting the last table. She "helped".
It was the same for main course. Things changed after desserts were brought out, though. The soups for the entrees had been pumpkin and minestrone. There was some left over so staff got them. Seeing as though it was my function, by rights, I get first choice of food. Damien, head of cafe, came and asked me if I wanted the soup. "I don't want soup" was my reply. So he claimed the minestrone for himself. There was sticky date pudding for dessert. There were extras of that also. Damien came to see me. "Are you having the sticky date?" "I don't eat sticky date" I replied. He was happy.
Anyway,back to the point of this. Later on, after desserts, I was doing tea and coffee (sort of. I had to get Fran to help me because the coffee hadn't been made and there was no sugar and creamers on the table) and I was frantically bringing out the creamers set. I kicked the storeroom door open, since my hands were full and I heard a loud, shocked "Oh!" and a crash.
Hayley had been coming out of the kitchen with Damien's soup (no one knows why, though we suspect it's because she wants him)and I had kicked the door into her. I felt so bad. To sum it up, I cleaned it up, with a smile on my face because I had hurt her, even by accident. I felt so guilty though. I had been talking to Kylie earlier on, asking her if I could punch Hayley. It seemed like fate. I still feel bad about it.
On my break later, which went for longer than it should have, Kylie came in and talked to me, since the kitchen was finished, and she told me that after I had accidentally rammed the door into Hayley, the woman had stormed into the kitchen cursing my name. "Fucking Amber, spilt soup everywhere. She knocked the fucking door into me". Kylie's just gone, "hang on, it's not Amber's fault".
It was a bad night. It got marginally better when Hayley left. Kylie cheered me up at the end of the night too. Thanks. I appreciate it. Damien wasn't happy at the end of the night either. We talked about it and we both agree; this place would run a lot smoother if she wasn't there.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Inconsideration
Some people are so inconsiderate, only ever thinking about themselves...
I arrived at work this afternoon for my usual Sunday shift only to find a very unhappy houskeeper. Apparently, she and another housekeeper had been cleaning the rooms that morning and the second HK had left early; without letting her colleague know. Shirley, the one who was left, was so pissed. Understandably so.
The housekeepers work in teams, they always have. One team does the outside rooms, one teams does the back wing and another team does the front wing. On Sunday's however, the program changes as there are only two people on, unless we're really busy, so they split the rooms between them. Shirley told the other HK to clean the outside rooms, which at the time consisted of 3 stays (people who are still staying) and 1 check out. Logically when she finished, she should have gone down to the other rooms to help out Shirley. She did not.
Shirley had also given her the task of stripping the beds of the rooms they were leaving for the next day. She was supposed to do that before she did anything else. She did not. Later, when Shirley checked to see what the other HK had done (as she had not been informed before her surprise departure). Turns out the other HK had done none of the jobs she was supposed to have done. All she did was the few rooms. She was supposed to dishes as well. There were stacks in the kitchen that she was supposed to wash. She did not.
That's where the inconsideration comes in. The HK just left, leaving Shirley to finish up on her own, which took her way longer than it should have. What made her shift even longer was the fact that she had to go through the rooms to see what had and hadn't been done. She was not happy when she left at almost two thirty. By rights, she should have finished at about twelve.
When you're working with someone, as a team of sorts, you should keep them in mind. Know what they are doing and see how you can make their jobs easier. I do that all the time when I'm working in the cafe. The cafe is not my territory. I'm more of a reception and function worker, but when I am put in there, I am very conscious of how much work is being done and how much needs to be done. As I'm working, I constantly think about how I can make the cafe staff's jobs that little bit easier, and then I do it. A little consideration goes a long way, I'm sure you've heard.
It shit me that the HK, who has another job and only works when we need her, just left Shirley hanging like that. Shirley rocks. She's one of the coolest people in that place.
It wasn't right. Other than that, work was pretty good. Great night. Quiet. The way I like it.
I arrived at work this afternoon for my usual Sunday shift only to find a very unhappy houskeeper. Apparently, she and another housekeeper had been cleaning the rooms that morning and the second HK had left early; without letting her colleague know. Shirley, the one who was left, was so pissed. Understandably so.
The housekeepers work in teams, they always have. One team does the outside rooms, one teams does the back wing and another team does the front wing. On Sunday's however, the program changes as there are only two people on, unless we're really busy, so they split the rooms between them. Shirley told the other HK to clean the outside rooms, which at the time consisted of 3 stays (people who are still staying) and 1 check out. Logically when she finished, she should have gone down to the other rooms to help out Shirley. She did not.
Shirley had also given her the task of stripping the beds of the rooms they were leaving for the next day. She was supposed to do that before she did anything else. She did not. Later, when Shirley checked to see what the other HK had done (as she had not been informed before her surprise departure). Turns out the other HK had done none of the jobs she was supposed to have done. All she did was the few rooms. She was supposed to dishes as well. There were stacks in the kitchen that she was supposed to wash. She did not.
That's where the inconsideration comes in. The HK just left, leaving Shirley to finish up on her own, which took her way longer than it should have. What made her shift even longer was the fact that she had to go through the rooms to see what had and hadn't been done. She was not happy when she left at almost two thirty. By rights, she should have finished at about twelve.
When you're working with someone, as a team of sorts, you should keep them in mind. Know what they are doing and see how you can make their jobs easier. I do that all the time when I'm working in the cafe. The cafe is not my territory. I'm more of a reception and function worker, but when I am put in there, I am very conscious of how much work is being done and how much needs to be done. As I'm working, I constantly think about how I can make the cafe staff's jobs that little bit easier, and then I do it. A little consideration goes a long way, I'm sure you've heard.
It shit me that the HK, who has another job and only works when we need her, just left Shirley hanging like that. Shirley rocks. She's one of the coolest people in that place.
It wasn't right. Other than that, work was pretty good. Great night. Quiet. The way I like it.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
The end...
Well, my reign at work is over. The head chef is back from holidays and is now staying over at work himself. I am now back at home after a week away from it. It's kinda a let down. He was supposed to be going away with his girlfriend for the weekend, giving him some time to recover from his trip back from Thailand, but, no, he didn't want to do that.
Oh well... it's all over and done with now. Although, I'm not entirely happy to be home, but it's where i should be. After all, my brother, who has already raided the hell out of my room, is down from Mildura for the school holidays. He stole my headphones, relocated my DVD player, used my TV and the Playstation 2 and he made my room smell like socks. Eww. Who needs enemies when you have family members like him...
I got a new phone, he seemed to like the idea of getting my old one. As if. The new phone is really cool. I've never had one like this before. I can't stop fiddling with it. I charged it last night and it's already almost dead. Oops.
Oh well... it's all over and done with now. Although, I'm not entirely happy to be home, but it's where i should be. After all, my brother, who has already raided the hell out of my room, is down from Mildura for the school holidays. He stole my headphones, relocated my DVD player, used my TV and the Playstation 2 and he made my room smell like socks. Eww. Who needs enemies when you have family members like him...
I got a new phone, he seemed to like the idea of getting my old one. As if. The new phone is really cool. I've never had one like this before. I can't stop fiddling with it. I charged it last night and it's already almost dead. Oops.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
It's all, work, work, work...
So I stayed over at work on Sunday night. My bosses are in Thailand, as you know, and someone has to stay here to man the fort, so to speak. I was chosen (that sounds so Matrixish) to do Sunday night, but when I woke up Monday morning, I found that I was supposed to be doing the rest of the week as well. My supervisor, Hayley, had neglected to call me and inform me of that fact.
I had to drive home mid Monday, I stopped off at Mid Valley to see Kitty first, and I packed enough clothes to last me the week. A little bit more notice would have been appreciated. That way, my brother wouldn't have scammed a ride from me to get downtown.
I worked Monday night also. With Hayley. That was not the most pleasant experience. She has a knack for making me feel as though I am a newbie, as though I have only just started here and have no idea what I am doing. I feel as though I haven't learnt a thing in the 2 1/2 years that I have been working here.
The thing that pissed me off was that Hayley is supposed to be the supervisor. That means she is responsible for us, and she is supposed to act as a role model for us. She is anything but! One of the main things that drive me crazy at work is the phone. It rings non-stop, and the tone is just plain annoying (presumably so we'd answer it quicker). Hayley will not answer the phone. It will ring and ring and ring until she realises that no one else is going to get it and picks it up. It's frustrating. Last week, when I was working and cleaning out one of the function rooms, the reception phone began to ring. It rang and rang and as I was heading to the kitchen to put some stuff away, I saw that Hayley was standing right beside the phone, seemingly ignoring it. That shit me. I said, in a nice voice, "Do you want me to answer that?". She huffed and said grudgingly, "No, I'll get it. Don't worry."
Great attitude there. Nice work ethic. Moron.
Kylie made it a fun night though. Her mood was off the charts. She was in the best mood I've ever seen her in since I first started here. It was highly amusing to watch her try to do dirty things to Michael and Charlie. Michael had also just taught her how to do the "shuffle" which was his stupid-ass version of the running man from the eighties. She ran around the establishment all night (while milking her hours) doing the dance for anyone who would watch. She showed me at least three times. Very entertaining. One of the customers actually asked her what drugs she was on. I believe her answer was "I'm not taking any, I'm just naturally stupid." We all laughed.
Not only that, but a customer hit on me that same night, and I'm not used to that kind of thing. It was odd! He's done it again since then. Actually invited me to his room. Eww!! He's a nice guy though, must be lonely.
I had to drive home mid Monday, I stopped off at Mid Valley to see Kitty first, and I packed enough clothes to last me the week. A little bit more notice would have been appreciated. That way, my brother wouldn't have scammed a ride from me to get downtown.
I worked Monday night also. With Hayley. That was not the most pleasant experience. She has a knack for making me feel as though I am a newbie, as though I have only just started here and have no idea what I am doing. I feel as though I haven't learnt a thing in the 2 1/2 years that I have been working here.
The thing that pissed me off was that Hayley is supposed to be the supervisor. That means she is responsible for us, and she is supposed to act as a role model for us. She is anything but! One of the main things that drive me crazy at work is the phone. It rings non-stop, and the tone is just plain annoying (presumably so we'd answer it quicker). Hayley will not answer the phone. It will ring and ring and ring until she realises that no one else is going to get it and picks it up. It's frustrating. Last week, when I was working and cleaning out one of the function rooms, the reception phone began to ring. It rang and rang and as I was heading to the kitchen to put some stuff away, I saw that Hayley was standing right beside the phone, seemingly ignoring it. That shit me. I said, in a nice voice, "Do you want me to answer that?". She huffed and said grudgingly, "No, I'll get it. Don't worry."
Great attitude there. Nice work ethic. Moron.
Kylie made it a fun night though. Her mood was off the charts. She was in the best mood I've ever seen her in since I first started here. It was highly amusing to watch her try to do dirty things to Michael and Charlie. Michael had also just taught her how to do the "shuffle" which was his stupid-ass version of the running man from the eighties. She ran around the establishment all night (while milking her hours) doing the dance for anyone who would watch. She showed me at least three times. Very entertaining. One of the customers actually asked her what drugs she was on. I believe her answer was "I'm not taking any, I'm just naturally stupid." We all laughed.
Not only that, but a customer hit on me that same night, and I'm not used to that kind of thing. It was odd! He's done it again since then. Actually invited me to his room. Eww!! He's a nice guy though, must be lonely.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Good food, better freebies...
Well, I just got home from my stay in Melbourne. As I'd mentioned earlier, my mum, my sister, my friend Rhiannon and myself were the ones to go. The Good Food and Wine show was pretty good; smaller than last year, though.
We left home early, way too early for there to even be a time appointed to it... and got to Melbourne just after nine. We dropped the car off in the carparking bay at the place where we were staying and caught the tram from StKilda to The Exhibition Center.
The show was packed. People were everywhere and I quickly lost myself in them. I lost Rhiannon and the others fairly quickly, it was very easy to do that, but we eventually met up while walking around. In the end, I brought some Lindt chocolate, after watching a demonstration and getting a free sample and I brought a drink bottle to support the Think Pink Breast Cancer fund thing...
Freebies wise... I had noodles, chicken and tomato and basil rice, yoghurt, chocolate (there was a lot of that floating around, even wine flavoured chocs), many drinks (V, the new Mixt drink, water, cranberry juice, mineral water, new juices) new dips and crackers and a few other nibbles.
We also got free showbags at the entrance because we had the tickets they'd sent out to us, free espresso cups (six of them, though we were only supposed to have one each). To get the cups, you had to fill out a entry form at the Mazda stand to win a trip to Italy. Each entry got a cup. They're really cute. They're little and black.
After the show, we went to Federation square to see the red rods that were recently put there. Didn't see what the fuss was about, really. We, meaning me and Rhiannon, went to Crown after that and we watched the blackjack tables for a while. It was really interesting. At the roulette table, we watched as one guy was handed three $1000 chips and a few stacks of $25 chips. Our eyes almost popped out of our heads.
I got bored pretty quickly when Rhiannon was leading me around Crown, but we had some fun watching the big guns play. I needed the escape of Crown Casino. It was the same problems as my first post. I guess i was feeling smothered. I don't know why i continue to feel this way but i keep getting irritated by my family. I love them, of course i do, but lately it just seems like they are out to annoy me. One of my pet hates is repetition. I hate when people repeat themselves, and mum seems to be doing that to me a lot. You don't really want to hear about that though...
When we got back to the motel, we went and got dinner at the NYPD (New York Pizza Department, I'm assuming) and the pizza's were, no joking, 18" and they were friggin huge! Rhiannon and I got one between us and we couldn't eat it. It was a massive pizza. Biggest I've seen.
Rhiannon and I went to a bar later on, she wanted to see if we could pick up any guys, but I wasn't having a bar of it. I have Greg, duh! Mum's snoring kept her awake some of the night which I found funny.
This morning we dropped Erin off at the Spencer St train station so she could travel to Mildura with Vonnie. She's been gone for over eight hours now. I miss my baby. We swapped her for my brother, Shannon. He's been home since ten this morning.
Before we went home, we played the pokies at Crown, Rhiannon won some money on Blackjack, and now I'm home.
I shouldn't have driven, though. On the way home, as it was getting dark, I found myself drifting. Not from the road, in my mind. As I was driving, I sort of receded into my own head and didn't concentrate on the road. I tried, I actually really tried to concentrate but my mind wouldn't do it, I worried myself. I got to thinking about the car in front of me. It's numberplate was TIM 787 and I found myself thinking about who Tim was and what he would be like. No matter what I did, shook my head to clear it, had a drink of water, turned on the music in the car, but I still couldn't shake myself out of it.
I almost pulled over to let mum drive just before we hit Warragul, but I kept going. We made it home which is the important thing.
I'm all written out now, so goodnight. I'm getting an early night, need to replenish sleep.
We left home early, way too early for there to even be a time appointed to it... and got to Melbourne just after nine. We dropped the car off in the carparking bay at the place where we were staying and caught the tram from StKilda to The Exhibition Center.
The show was packed. People were everywhere and I quickly lost myself in them. I lost Rhiannon and the others fairly quickly, it was very easy to do that, but we eventually met up while walking around. In the end, I brought some Lindt chocolate, after watching a demonstration and getting a free sample and I brought a drink bottle to support the Think Pink Breast Cancer fund thing...
Freebies wise... I had noodles, chicken and tomato and basil rice, yoghurt, chocolate (there was a lot of that floating around, even wine flavoured chocs), many drinks (V, the new Mixt drink, water, cranberry juice, mineral water, new juices) new dips and crackers and a few other nibbles.
We also got free showbags at the entrance because we had the tickets they'd sent out to us, free espresso cups (six of them, though we were only supposed to have one each). To get the cups, you had to fill out a entry form at the Mazda stand to win a trip to Italy. Each entry got a cup. They're really cute. They're little and black.
After the show, we went to Federation square to see the red rods that were recently put there. Didn't see what the fuss was about, really. We, meaning me and Rhiannon, went to Crown after that and we watched the blackjack tables for a while. It was really interesting. At the roulette table, we watched as one guy was handed three $1000 chips and a few stacks of $25 chips. Our eyes almost popped out of our heads.
I got bored pretty quickly when Rhiannon was leading me around Crown, but we had some fun watching the big guns play. I needed the escape of Crown Casino. It was the same problems as my first post. I guess i was feeling smothered. I don't know why i continue to feel this way but i keep getting irritated by my family. I love them, of course i do, but lately it just seems like they are out to annoy me. One of my pet hates is repetition. I hate when people repeat themselves, and mum seems to be doing that to me a lot. You don't really want to hear about that though...
When we got back to the motel, we went and got dinner at the NYPD (New York Pizza Department, I'm assuming) and the pizza's were, no joking, 18" and they were friggin huge! Rhiannon and I got one between us and we couldn't eat it. It was a massive pizza. Biggest I've seen.
Rhiannon and I went to a bar later on, she wanted to see if we could pick up any guys, but I wasn't having a bar of it. I have Greg, duh! Mum's snoring kept her awake some of the night which I found funny.
This morning we dropped Erin off at the Spencer St train station so she could travel to Mildura with Vonnie. She's been gone for over eight hours now. I miss my baby. We swapped her for my brother, Shannon. He's been home since ten this morning.
Before we went home, we played the pokies at Crown, Rhiannon won some money on Blackjack, and now I'm home.
I shouldn't have driven, though. On the way home, as it was getting dark, I found myself drifting. Not from the road, in my mind. As I was driving, I sort of receded into my own head and didn't concentrate on the road. I tried, I actually really tried to concentrate but my mind wouldn't do it, I worried myself. I got to thinking about the car in front of me. It's numberplate was TIM 787 and I found myself thinking about who Tim was and what he would be like. No matter what I did, shook my head to clear it, had a drink of water, turned on the music in the car, but I still couldn't shake myself out of it.
I almost pulled over to let mum drive just before we hit Warragul, but I kept going. We made it home which is the important thing.
I'm all written out now, so goodnight. I'm getting an early night, need to replenish sleep.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Confessions of a Hospitality Worker
Wow, that title sounds familiar, and is very apt for this story i'm going to share. You see, i work in a motel/restaurant in my local area. Recently, in my writing course, I did an exposé, a behind the scenes of the place where I work and Confessions of a Hospitality Worker was my title for it.
Anyway, at the moment my bosses are in Thailand for a holiday and our head chef has gone also. His second in command, we'll call her Kylie, is in charge while he is gone and that means that if anything goes wrong, it's on her head. Last night I was working with one of my supervisors (the one i don't really like anymore) and she made me feel, within an hour of being there, that I hadn't learnt anything in the past two years that I had been working for them.
My annoyance deepened when I was left to look after a function completely on my own (not that I couldn't handle it, quite the opposite, actually) but she didn't offer to help, just left me alone and that pissed me off. She came back to help take out the desserts and tea and coffee, but that was it.
Now we get to the good part. About halfway through the night, my supervisor, we'll call her Hayley, went into the kitchen and asked if Kylie could make her up a bowl of chips as she was hungry. Kylie immediately said that that was fine, and asked her if she would like some flathead tails as well as they had some ready that they could give her. She agreed fairly quickly.
I left the kitchen after that, but about twenty minutes later, Hayley came into to see me in the store room and offered me some of her dinner. I'm not a big seafood eater, I try to steer clear of it because I'm not a big fan of it, but Hayley asked me if I wanted some and my immediate reaction was to say no. Lucky that I did, as I was to soon find out.
Later on in the night, I went back into the kitchen to drop some cups off for washing and Michael was at the sink, washing up. When I entered, a huge smile crossed his face and he said to me, "Did you hear what we did to Hayley's food?" My immediate reaction was suspicion. Michael told me they had dipped the flathead tails in dishwashing liquid, then dropped them on the floor, then cooked them up for Hayley. I was shocked, but then I thought, 'no, they wouldn't have done that' so I told him I didn't believe him and left the kitchen.
Fifteen minutes later, I returned to put more things away and Kylie was at the dishwasher this time. As I was putting the stuff I was carrying down, she looked at me and said, "Did you hear what we did to Hayley's food?" I looked at Michael then back at her. I couldn't tell if they were serious, but it seemed like it.
Kylie gave me the full story. What happened was; they had soaked the flathead tails in water for a majority of the day, then they had soaked them in the water the vegies had been cooked in, then they had dipped them in the water the washing up had been done in (not the dishwashing liquid) and then they had accidentally dropped them on the floor. They then, of course, cooked them up and gave them to Hayley.
As far as I know, she wasn't sick from it. Funny though, very funny... Kylie doesn't like Hayley and it's not exactly a little known fact, so for her to do this was just hilarious. Yes, the prank may have been wrong, but I know the kitchen staff and they would never have done something like this if it would actually harm someone.
I was given a staff meal too, but it was the same food the function people had gotten, so I knew it was safe. They like me.
Anyway, at the moment my bosses are in Thailand for a holiday and our head chef has gone also. His second in command, we'll call her Kylie, is in charge while he is gone and that means that if anything goes wrong, it's on her head. Last night I was working with one of my supervisors (the one i don't really like anymore) and she made me feel, within an hour of being there, that I hadn't learnt anything in the past two years that I had been working for them.
My annoyance deepened when I was left to look after a function completely on my own (not that I couldn't handle it, quite the opposite, actually) but she didn't offer to help, just left me alone and that pissed me off. She came back to help take out the desserts and tea and coffee, but that was it.
Now we get to the good part. About halfway through the night, my supervisor, we'll call her Hayley, went into the kitchen and asked if Kylie could make her up a bowl of chips as she was hungry. Kylie immediately said that that was fine, and asked her if she would like some flathead tails as well as they had some ready that they could give her. She agreed fairly quickly.
I left the kitchen after that, but about twenty minutes later, Hayley came into to see me in the store room and offered me some of her dinner. I'm not a big seafood eater, I try to steer clear of it because I'm not a big fan of it, but Hayley asked me if I wanted some and my immediate reaction was to say no. Lucky that I did, as I was to soon find out.
Later on in the night, I went back into the kitchen to drop some cups off for washing and Michael was at the sink, washing up. When I entered, a huge smile crossed his face and he said to me, "Did you hear what we did to Hayley's food?" My immediate reaction was suspicion. Michael told me they had dipped the flathead tails in dishwashing liquid, then dropped them on the floor, then cooked them up for Hayley. I was shocked, but then I thought, 'no, they wouldn't have done that' so I told him I didn't believe him and left the kitchen.
Fifteen minutes later, I returned to put more things away and Kylie was at the dishwasher this time. As I was putting the stuff I was carrying down, she looked at me and said, "Did you hear what we did to Hayley's food?" I looked at Michael then back at her. I couldn't tell if they were serious, but it seemed like it.
Kylie gave me the full story. What happened was; they had soaked the flathead tails in water for a majority of the day, then they had soaked them in the water the vegies had been cooked in, then they had dipped them in the water the washing up had been done in (not the dishwashing liquid) and then they had accidentally dropped them on the floor. They then, of course, cooked them up and gave them to Hayley.
As far as I know, she wasn't sick from it. Funny though, very funny... Kylie doesn't like Hayley and it's not exactly a little known fact, so for her to do this was just hilarious. Yes, the prank may have been wrong, but I know the kitchen staff and they would never have done something like this if it would actually harm someone.
I was given a staff meal too, but it was the same food the function people had gotten, so I knew it was safe. They like me.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Luna Park
Well, even though today was below freezing, me and a group of about thirty other people went to Luna Park. It was so amazingly fun, even though my hands and face felt as though they were frost bitten and about to fall off my face, and it was because my friend Katie came with me.
Kate had never been to Luna Park before whereas I had been twice before. She had a ball which was really cool. We went on every ride there, with the exception of the scenic rollercoaster, which was closed fpr repaires, the Ranger, we don't know why it was closed, and the dodgem cars.... I took a million photos with my digital camera and they turned out really well. I even like the ones of me... That almost never happens... The last photos i liked of myself were the ones taken at McDonalds for my 21st birthday... I had ice-cream cake and everything!
After the first few rides, which consisted of the larger rollercoater, two goes on the G-Force, which spins you around really fast and the ride that just drops you from a certain height, my stomach was not feeling very healthy. To give it time to settle, Kitty and I went on the Merry-go-round or "Carousel" as i was told, and the Ferris wheel, which was the first time i'd ever been on that ride, but with the way i was feeling, i was ready for something sissy like...
To make matters worse, just after that we got lunch, then, after another round of rides, Kitty and I got coffee and took photos of Fiona on the Merry-go-round... she's 30 yrs. It was funny... Straight after that we stole some fairy floss off the young girls we were with and i was once again, not feeling my best... The fairy floss was the worst offender. Tasted really good, though... like musk...
While I lined up to go on the rolercoaster again, one of the leaders i was with came up and asked me if i'd seen one of the girls. Apparently, they assumed she was missing because no one could remember seeing her. Luckily, i had seen her about fifteen minutes previously, with someone none of us knew (she got told off for that) and was supposed to have gone to find some one she came with. That hadn't happened. No one was happy when she was finally found.
Although we had one of those handy unlimited rides bands (just flash them and the ride controllers let you on) Katie and I decided that we wanted to play some carnival games, eg. the clowns and the dart games. In the end, I won a tiara (which was really cool because I've never had one of those before), a tiger, which Kate wanted (but she got a dragon that I wanted, oh well), and a koala. The Koala is really soft. Now I have to name them. Annabelle and Sarah also got Koalas. Sarah named hers Koko and Annabelle named hers Cocoa. Same name, different spelling. Ugh...
At the gift shop on the way out, I brought a luna Park lanyard and a deck of cards, which I collect. I also collect pens but I didn't see any there. Kayla brought a pencil, but that wasn't what I wanted.
We'll that's me out. I'm going to the Good Food and Wine Show this weekend at the Melbourne Exhibition Center and I'm really looking forward to it. My mum, my sister me and my friend Rhiannon are going. Should be a great.
Kate had never been to Luna Park before whereas I had been twice before. She had a ball which was really cool. We went on every ride there, with the exception of the scenic rollercoaster, which was closed fpr repaires, the Ranger, we don't know why it was closed, and the dodgem cars.... I took a million photos with my digital camera and they turned out really well. I even like the ones of me... That almost never happens... The last photos i liked of myself were the ones taken at McDonalds for my 21st birthday... I had ice-cream cake and everything!
After the first few rides, which consisted of the larger rollercoater, two goes on the G-Force, which spins you around really fast and the ride that just drops you from a certain height, my stomach was not feeling very healthy. To give it time to settle, Kitty and I went on the Merry-go-round or "Carousel" as i was told, and the Ferris wheel, which was the first time i'd ever been on that ride, but with the way i was feeling, i was ready for something sissy like...
To make matters worse, just after that we got lunch, then, after another round of rides, Kitty and I got coffee and took photos of Fiona on the Merry-go-round... she's 30 yrs. It was funny... Straight after that we stole some fairy floss off the young girls we were with and i was once again, not feeling my best... The fairy floss was the worst offender. Tasted really good, though... like musk...
While I lined up to go on the rolercoaster again, one of the leaders i was with came up and asked me if i'd seen one of the girls. Apparently, they assumed she was missing because no one could remember seeing her. Luckily, i had seen her about fifteen minutes previously, with someone none of us knew (she got told off for that) and was supposed to have gone to find some one she came with. That hadn't happened. No one was happy when she was finally found.
Although we had one of those handy unlimited rides bands (just flash them and the ride controllers let you on) Katie and I decided that we wanted to play some carnival games, eg. the clowns and the dart games. In the end, I won a tiara (which was really cool because I've never had one of those before), a tiger, which Kate wanted (but she got a dragon that I wanted, oh well), and a koala. The Koala is really soft. Now I have to name them. Annabelle and Sarah also got Koalas. Sarah named hers Koko and Annabelle named hers Cocoa. Same name, different spelling. Ugh...
At the gift shop on the way out, I brought a luna Park lanyard and a deck of cards, which I collect. I also collect pens but I didn't see any there. Kayla brought a pencil, but that wasn't what I wanted.
We'll that's me out. I'm going to the Good Food and Wine Show this weekend at the Melbourne Exhibition Center and I'm really looking forward to it. My mum, my sister me and my friend Rhiannon are going. Should be a great.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
War
This is a poem i wrote ages ago and i do mean ages ago. I showed it to my teacher and have shown it to one other person since then. I don't know why i wrote it. I was sitting listening to a talk at the Melbourne Writer's festival when I started it. It just came into my head. I'm not a very political person, in fact, i steer clear of politics whenever i can, so it was odd that this came out of me. I like it though, as i do most of the stuff i write, so i'm posting it here for you to see.
Greg, my boyfriend, is trying to push soccer on me as i type, but it is not going to happen. I don't do sport. I watch the football occasionally, but that's pretty much as far as it goes. He can try all he likes but it ain't happening.
My cat's prowling around my room at the moment as well and it is very distracting.
Anyway, here is my piece:
War
War.
Children dying, families suffering,
Why?
To fuel an ego? Pacify a nation?
Destroy a way of life to end an imaginary tyranny.
Do imaginary weapons create imaginary deaths?
Let flow imaginary blood?
Soldiers fight for the wrong cause, for no cause.
Families are torn apart by death, loss,
Hatred for the politics that killed their children.
To take a stand or not take a stand, that is the question.
To take a stand against the injustice of it all,
To fight to save innocent lives
But is it simply a matter of saving lives or taking lives?
Is everything that black and white?
No! Nothing is.
To be at war with a country, yet friends with its prince,
Is a form of treason, is it not?
To sit in offices and mountain hideaways,
drinking whisky or rum, while the little people fight their battles for them.
Soldiers are cut down one by one.
All nameless to the big men.
Just another body to fight a war of convenience;
A fake war.
A war that was fought in the wrong place, against the wrong people.
Why?
To save face, to scramble to regain what has been taken away so brutally.
Pride, security, hope.
I think it came from the war on Iraq, when Bush sent everyone in for no reason. I saw Michael Moore's film Farenheight 9/11 and, although i know it was sensationalised, it was the first thing i saw, ever, that truly made me angry, that truly made me hate someone.
My teacher, Catherine, told me it was too rhetorical and i have to agree. It is, but i think it works okay that way. She's a smart woman and she doesn't get enough credit for all she does.
I've been talking recently about moving to Broome, a town in Western Australia, and the more i think about ti, the more likely it's becoming that i'll go there. If not there, then i want to go to Cairnes, up in Queensland. I just want to get out of Victoria, try something new. I want to be able to say that i've done things, that i tried. There are some good jobs going in both of those places right now, but if i do go, it won't be til the start of next year at least.
A few people have alread expressed interest in coming with me, Greg included and it'd be cool if i had company. Never did like going anywhere on my own. I usually drag my mum with me when i go somewhere. She loves me.
Well, this post has to come to an end. I have some writing to do, on my fanfiction and my fantasy novel, so we'll see how they go.... I have work tomorrow too which should be cool. I wwork at a restaurant/motel and tommorrow is the day i get things clean for the start of the week. It's funny, i like cleaning up at work, but i detest doing it at home. Hmm.
Oh well.
War © Copyright Amber Hinds 2006
Greg, my boyfriend, is trying to push soccer on me as i type, but it is not going to happen. I don't do sport. I watch the football occasionally, but that's pretty much as far as it goes. He can try all he likes but it ain't happening.
My cat's prowling around my room at the moment as well and it is very distracting.
Anyway, here is my piece:
War
War.
Children dying, families suffering,
Why?
To fuel an ego? Pacify a nation?
Destroy a way of life to end an imaginary tyranny.
Do imaginary weapons create imaginary deaths?
Let flow imaginary blood?
Soldiers fight for the wrong cause, for no cause.
Families are torn apart by death, loss,
Hatred for the politics that killed their children.
To take a stand or not take a stand, that is the question.
To take a stand against the injustice of it all,
To fight to save innocent lives
But is it simply a matter of saving lives or taking lives?
Is everything that black and white?
No! Nothing is.
To be at war with a country, yet friends with its prince,
Is a form of treason, is it not?
To sit in offices and mountain hideaways,
drinking whisky or rum, while the little people fight their battles for them.
Soldiers are cut down one by one.
All nameless to the big men.
Just another body to fight a war of convenience;
A fake war.
A war that was fought in the wrong place, against the wrong people.
Why?
To save face, to scramble to regain what has been taken away so brutally.
Pride, security, hope.
I think it came from the war on Iraq, when Bush sent everyone in for no reason. I saw Michael Moore's film Farenheight 9/11 and, although i know it was sensationalised, it was the first thing i saw, ever, that truly made me angry, that truly made me hate someone.
My teacher, Catherine, told me it was too rhetorical and i have to agree. It is, but i think it works okay that way. She's a smart woman and she doesn't get enough credit for all she does.
I've been talking recently about moving to Broome, a town in Western Australia, and the more i think about ti, the more likely it's becoming that i'll go there. If not there, then i want to go to Cairnes, up in Queensland. I just want to get out of Victoria, try something new. I want to be able to say that i've done things, that i tried. There are some good jobs going in both of those places right now, but if i do go, it won't be til the start of next year at least.
A few people have alread expressed interest in coming with me, Greg included and it'd be cool if i had company. Never did like going anywhere on my own. I usually drag my mum with me when i go somewhere. She loves me.
Well, this post has to come to an end. I have some writing to do, on my fanfiction and my fantasy novel, so we'll see how they go.... I have work tomorrow too which should be cool. I wwork at a restaurant/motel and tommorrow is the day i get things clean for the start of the week. It's funny, i like cleaning up at work, but i detest doing it at home. Hmm.
Oh well.
War © Copyright Amber Hinds 2006
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Helpless
This is a poem i wrote while i was watching a football game on television (Football as in AFL, not soccer). As you may quickly notice, it has nothing whatsoever to do with football. I saw one of the players get winded and i remembered that feeling from when i was a kid. My brother did it to me once and i will never forget how... well, helpless, i felt. It was horrible.
Helpless
It hits you,
It hits you hard and you fall.
You go somewhere dark,
Somewhere where the light recedes
And
Leaves you in the black;
Scared, alone.
Can’t breathe,
Can’t talk,
Can’t scream.
You’re just;
Helpless.
© Copyright Amber Hinds 2006
Helpless
It hits you,
It hits you hard and you fall.
You go somewhere dark,
Somewhere where the light recedes
And
Leaves you in the black;
Scared, alone.
Can’t breathe,
Can’t talk,
Can’t scream.
You’re just;
Helpless.
© Copyright Amber Hinds 2006
The manditory first post
Well, this is my second foray into blogging, as i previously started one in Myspaces but i was informed that that was not a good place. I never wanted to start a blog, had no interest in it whatsoever but today i felt the need to sit and wite something, tell someone how i was feeling and this seemed the next best course of action to me (my closest friend is at work).
I go to a writing course two days a week as i have been for the past two years (this is my third and definately my last). This year for me has been what i call a filler; I'm there because if i wasn't, i'd be sitting on my ass at home doing jack shit and wasting my time. Plus, my boyfriend goes and it gives me more time with him. Anyway, this year has been a year of disappointment with me, not because of the classes or the teacher, Catherine is great, but i know i'm not putting my all into it and i can't help but feel angry at myself. I can't seem to do anythng about it, either. The problem is, i got my Certificate in one year instead of two and i got my Diploma last year so i'm there for no real reason this year. My mind had automatocally made the leap of "Why should i do this? I don't have to and i don't need to". I don't need to pass this course as i already have the qualifications it can give me, but my concience won't let me simply turn up to class and do nothing, neither will the teachers.
Damned if i do, damned if i don't, as far as i am concerned. The two classes i am doing are complete opposites. One is Myths and the other is Non fiction project. I have an interest in food writing as i have a base in hospitality, so i thought the non fic class was the way to go. Boy, was i wrong. Instead of being able to do what i want, i was practically pushed into my assignment by my teacher (who is a fantastic person, by the way) and i have no interest in it whatsoever, even though we are doing presentation on them tomorrow. It sucks!
I feel as though my life is not my own and there is nothing i can do about it. I live at home with my mum and my sister and although i love them dearly, i can't help but feel they are holding me back, they are pushing me, like my teacher, into things i don't want. Maybe it's just me, but it's a feeling i've been having for a while and i can't seem to shake. Perhaps it is because i am the eldest child that my mother is so... not clingy and not pushy, but something along those lines, i can't describe it!
As much as i love her, i need my space and that is not possble at this juncture. Other people have rule over my life; my boss, supervisor, mum, teachers, children's leader... Ugh, sorry for babbling on....
So, as you can tell, i've been feeling very frustrated as of late. Anyway, now that that is over, here are a few things about me; My name is Amber. I am 21 soon to be 22. I live in Australia and i love this country. I am a proud Aussie, can't you tell? That's enough for now.... if you want more, read my profile.
Thanks for listening... well, reading....
I go to a writing course two days a week as i have been for the past two years (this is my third and definately my last). This year for me has been what i call a filler; I'm there because if i wasn't, i'd be sitting on my ass at home doing jack shit and wasting my time. Plus, my boyfriend goes and it gives me more time with him. Anyway, this year has been a year of disappointment with me, not because of the classes or the teacher, Catherine is great, but i know i'm not putting my all into it and i can't help but feel angry at myself. I can't seem to do anythng about it, either. The problem is, i got my Certificate in one year instead of two and i got my Diploma last year so i'm there for no real reason this year. My mind had automatocally made the leap of "Why should i do this? I don't have to and i don't need to". I don't need to pass this course as i already have the qualifications it can give me, but my concience won't let me simply turn up to class and do nothing, neither will the teachers.
Damned if i do, damned if i don't, as far as i am concerned. The two classes i am doing are complete opposites. One is Myths and the other is Non fiction project. I have an interest in food writing as i have a base in hospitality, so i thought the non fic class was the way to go. Boy, was i wrong. Instead of being able to do what i want, i was practically pushed into my assignment by my teacher (who is a fantastic person, by the way) and i have no interest in it whatsoever, even though we are doing presentation on them tomorrow. It sucks!
I feel as though my life is not my own and there is nothing i can do about it. I live at home with my mum and my sister and although i love them dearly, i can't help but feel they are holding me back, they are pushing me, like my teacher, into things i don't want. Maybe it's just me, but it's a feeling i've been having for a while and i can't seem to shake. Perhaps it is because i am the eldest child that my mother is so... not clingy and not pushy, but something along those lines, i can't describe it!
As much as i love her, i need my space and that is not possble at this juncture. Other people have rule over my life; my boss, supervisor, mum, teachers, children's leader... Ugh, sorry for babbling on....
So, as you can tell, i've been feeling very frustrated as of late. Anyway, now that that is over, here are a few things about me; My name is Amber. I am 21 soon to be 22. I live in Australia and i love this country. I am a proud Aussie, can't you tell? That's enough for now.... if you want more, read my profile.
Thanks for listening... well, reading....
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