Sitting here, waiting for wow to come back up, watching Catch Me If You Can, wondering about everything. So many things go through my head constantly. I swear my mind NEVER switches off. It's like my thoughts are trains and they run along so many different tracks, that eventually, there'll be a crash and a derailment and my mind will never recover. :P
It's tough being a parent. I don't know how people do it, sometimes. I sometimes think I'll go crazy. I love my kids so much, but then there are days where they just make me so angry! I have nightmares, constantly about things happening to them. I swear, being a parent can be a form of torture. Even on my worst days, looking into their faces, it still puzzles me that somewhere in the world, someone is actualy hurting someone who looks just like my boys. All these stories in the news about children being beaten, abused, neglected... how could a parent do that??? How could a mother, you's just given birth to this beautiful, fragile life, just throw it away, hurt it, kill it? I could never eve imagine the possibilty of hurting my kids. Sure, I believe in discipline.. I smack my kids when they're bad.. but only on the bum (which is padded) or the hand. A twoyear old doesn't understand "please don't do that, that's naughty". But I would never beat them, let them starve. Just thinking about a child being hurt brings tears to my eyes. I'm much more sensitive to that since I had my boys. It actually hurts me to watch a movie where a child is hurt. Chris has to turn it off, or I have to leave the room. I can't handle it. So how can someone hurt a child with their own hands?
I remember a video on youtube that Chris showed me about a year ago. It was a new road ad. You know the ones: Speed Kills. I don't remember all the details, but I do remember that it had a couple of scenarios, and one of them, was a young family who crashed cos the driver was speeding. All I remember, clear as a bell, is the ambulance arriving and they rush to the car. In the back seat was a car seat, and the female paramedic leaned in, oxygen mask in hand, and attended to the baby. You can hear her voice muttering in the background, then it gives a shot of the baby's face. It's only a split second, but you can see the baby's eyes are open, staring at the front of the car. And it wasn't moving. You just knew that baby was not okay. It was just an ad and I couldn't stop crying after it. I think Chris thinks I'm silly, but I don't care.
While my brain obsesses about my kids, it also has about fifty other things going round the tracks. Has Chris done this? Did I do that like I was supposed to? Was I supposed to call someone today? Did I forget to buy anything for the boys? Did I put a load of washing in the machine and forget to take it out? All normal stuff, but all at once, and I think that's why it takes so long for me to get to sleep most nights. I go to bed between midnight and 2am most nights, and no matter what, it takes me at least an hour to fall asleep. My mind just won't shutdown. I was told a long time ago to imagine a brick wall, or just a blank white wall. Imagine that and only that. Eventually my mind would be so bored, I'd go to sleep. It doesn't work.
Try reading.. it makes you sleepy cos your minds working, not floating around in a sea of thoughts.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Life goes on
Well, I may or may not have forgotten that this page actually existed. I use Facebook so much now, that I don't really use anything else on the computer.
Updates from my last post:
I've had my second baby! His name is Seth Gabriel and he's now 14 months. He's probably the most gogeous thing that has ever graced this planet. I can't believe I've been so lucky. I could never have imagined myself a better family. Alex is now 2 yrs and 2 months. He's walking, and somewhat talking. Oh, he says the usual stuff; bye-bye, mum, dad, uh-oh, look!, and nan, but he should be actually putting together sentences by now, which is probably my fault. He doesn't get to be around other children much.
But Alex is so smart! He really is. We say "bed", he goes and puts himself to bed. We say "teeth", he heads for the bathroom and waits. We say "shoes", he grabs his shoes, sits down and holds his foot out. "Car" has him standing at the front door, car keys in hand.
He also knows how to operate an iPod. Probably better than a lot of adults. Better than me, actually, cos I don't know how to take a photo of the screen and set it as a background, but he does. >.< He knows how to unlock the iPod, search through the menus til he finds the game he likes, then he launches it and plays it. He knows what games he needs help with (ie. the buttons are too small, or there are too many buttons and he doesn't know which to press.) He's just to fun to watch. His favourite game is Angry Birds. He just loves to see them get flung!
Alex also has an obsession with the movies "Cars". He could watch it 5 times over in one day and it wouldn't bother him. Most I've let him watch it so far, is 3 :P
I am now engaged to Chris and though I was hoping for a LONG engagement, but, due to family pressure, we've set a date. 18th February, 2012. Not long after the wedding, we'll be moving to QLD, which I'm excited, but REALLY nervous about. I've never really liked change. I love QLD, thogh, and I think it's be great for me. I've done nothing here in Vic but gain weight lately, and I'm starting to get so pale, I look dead. I've also got an Iron deficency, so i have dark circles around my eyes constantly. When we were up in QLD last Christmas, I lost some weight, I gained a light tan, and the dark circles went, so for my health, I think I need to go.
My sister is now living with us. She's had a lot of problems with mum, and now mum has had enough. We took my sister before mum killed her. :P She's been doing okay here, except for a few hiccups and the major tantrum she threw last night. I think she thinks we'll get rid of her. Not happening. She does what she's told or things go badly for her. She's already grounded for a week.
Just brought a new bike and some baby bike seats, so we can go riding as a family, Chris takes Alex, I take Seth. We need to get my sisters bike so we can drag her along, too. I'm desperate to lose weight, but the motivation's just not there. I need to be pushed. Joined a gym that'll open in Traralgon soon. They have a free creche, and Zumba classes, so hopefully the times coincide. It'd work out so well for me if it did. I even told Chris that if I wasn't the weight I want to be by the time the wedding comes around, it's cancelled.
Now, I'm looking for a job, and thinking about going for a loan for a house. Although, as Chris said, is there a point to buying a house when we're moving in a year and a half? He has a point, but I'd really love to have my own house. Something about it's clawing at me. I know we'll have one in QLD, but that's not now. If I can't get a house, we're going to get a new car. The 5 of us BARELY fit into the nissan pulsar we have, so we're looking to get a 7 seater FWD. We need room for all of us, especially since we're talking about having another baby. If we do, that'll be 5 of us + my sister. Need a bigger car. We're getting a second car in 2 weeks, so that'll help, but I don't want to take 2 cars everywhere.
Well, I think I've exhausted my brain for now. I'm definately going to update this more often. Facebook's not used for this kind of thing.
Catch yas!
Updates from my last post:
I've had my second baby! His name is Seth Gabriel and he's now 14 months. He's probably the most gogeous thing that has ever graced this planet. I can't believe I've been so lucky. I could never have imagined myself a better family. Alex is now 2 yrs and 2 months. He's walking, and somewhat talking. Oh, he says the usual stuff; bye-bye, mum, dad, uh-oh, look!, and nan, but he should be actually putting together sentences by now, which is probably my fault. He doesn't get to be around other children much.
But Alex is so smart! He really is. We say "bed", he goes and puts himself to bed. We say "teeth", he heads for the bathroom and waits. We say "shoes", he grabs his shoes, sits down and holds his foot out. "Car" has him standing at the front door, car keys in hand.
He also knows how to operate an iPod. Probably better than a lot of adults. Better than me, actually, cos I don't know how to take a photo of the screen and set it as a background, but he does. >.< He knows how to unlock the iPod, search through the menus til he finds the game he likes, then he launches it and plays it. He knows what games he needs help with (ie. the buttons are too small, or there are too many buttons and he doesn't know which to press.) He's just to fun to watch. His favourite game is Angry Birds. He just loves to see them get flung!
Alex also has an obsession with the movies "Cars". He could watch it 5 times over in one day and it wouldn't bother him. Most I've let him watch it so far, is 3 :P
I am now engaged to Chris and though I was hoping for a LONG engagement, but, due to family pressure, we've set a date. 18th February, 2012. Not long after the wedding, we'll be moving to QLD, which I'm excited, but REALLY nervous about. I've never really liked change. I love QLD, thogh, and I think it's be great for me. I've done nothing here in Vic but gain weight lately, and I'm starting to get so pale, I look dead. I've also got an Iron deficency, so i have dark circles around my eyes constantly. When we were up in QLD last Christmas, I lost some weight, I gained a light tan, and the dark circles went, so for my health, I think I need to go.
My sister is now living with us. She's had a lot of problems with mum, and now mum has had enough. We took my sister before mum killed her. :P She's been doing okay here, except for a few hiccups and the major tantrum she threw last night. I think she thinks we'll get rid of her. Not happening. She does what she's told or things go badly for her. She's already grounded for a week.
Just brought a new bike and some baby bike seats, so we can go riding as a family, Chris takes Alex, I take Seth. We need to get my sisters bike so we can drag her along, too. I'm desperate to lose weight, but the motivation's just not there. I need to be pushed. Joined a gym that'll open in Traralgon soon. They have a free creche, and Zumba classes, so hopefully the times coincide. It'd work out so well for me if it did. I even told Chris that if I wasn't the weight I want to be by the time the wedding comes around, it's cancelled.
Now, I'm looking for a job, and thinking about going for a loan for a house. Although, as Chris said, is there a point to buying a house when we're moving in a year and a half? He has a point, but I'd really love to have my own house. Something about it's clawing at me. I know we'll have one in QLD, but that's not now. If I can't get a house, we're going to get a new car. The 5 of us BARELY fit into the nissan pulsar we have, so we're looking to get a 7 seater FWD. We need room for all of us, especially since we're talking about having another baby. If we do, that'll be 5 of us + my sister. Need a bigger car. We're getting a second car in 2 weeks, so that'll help, but I don't want to take 2 cars everywhere.
Well, I think I've exhausted my brain for now. I'm definately going to update this more often. Facebook's not used for this kind of thing.
Catch yas!
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