Yay for Christmas!

I love Christmas. I really do. It's the one time of the year that i feel like everything's right with the world. For the past few years Christmas hasn't been the same. I lost someone who meant the world to me when I was younger and Christmas lost all meaning for me. Lost all its sparkle and magic. Last year was the first Christmas in a long time that i really felt like it was Christmas.

I'm not sure why. It could be because i had Greg, but i doubt that was the only reason. I think it stemmed from being in my own place. Creating my own Christmas, without forgetting the past. I wasn't sitting through a facade my parents made for me. I decorated my own house (Greg did it :P) I had my own tree that i paid for and decorated. It was my Christmas and it was special.

This year, the spirit has taken me again. Although i live in a block of flats, so cannot decorate the exterior, i have decorated the interior of my place and i like it. I felt happy about writing cards this year, LIKED christmas shopping this year. When you grow older, Christmas changes dramatically, but this year, it feels a lot like Christmases of old, because it's mine.

I think that there are a couple of other reasons i may be so looking forward to Christmas (Chris ;) ) But for now, the spirit is back and I love it. Last year was just a stepping stone for this year. A lot of last year and the start of this year was, i guess. A stepping stone for other things.

Anyhoo, Merry Christmas everyone. Have a great new year, enjoy the time with your family and friends, they won't always be there, and you should cherish the time you have.

Also, I wanna say Congratulations to Bethany, who finally gave birth a few days ago. I hope all is well and hope you have an excellent Christmas. Patrick, too.

Stupid is...

My mum got sick last night. My sister rang me to tell me, sounding more than a little panicked. I was kinda lucky to have Mark and Nic here at the time, cos i wasn't sure of what to do... I'm good in an emergency; I stay calm, and I do what's needed. Problem is, sometimes i don't know what to do. I need to be told. My sister asked me what to do and i had no idea. I told her to run over and get out neighbor. And she hung up, to go get her.

This is where the heading comes in... My sister called back to tell me our neighbor was there, and Mark picked up the phone instead of me. Mark picked up the phone, answered happily with "City Morgue" and i watched as he put the phone back down with a puzzled look on his face. "She hung up."

She'd apparently said "sorry, wrong number" then hung up. Problem with that is?? My number's on Speed dial.

She can't get it wrong!!!!

She rang back and Mark goes "You idiot". She finally clicked. "Awww, MARK!" I slapped her when i got there.

I could tell you more about mum, but you don't really know her well enough for details, believe me. So that's it for now.

I hate hospitals

So... My mum broke her ankle Wednesday. Broke it almost as bad as she could have. Both bones snapped. She had to have an operation yesterday (Thurs) to put pins and rods in... It was bad, in every sense of the word.

I've never seen my mother so scared. It really hit something, and i've been feeling... hollow? since it happened.

She clutched my hand when the doctors had to reset the ankle and put the temporary plaster on... He face was screwed up, her gaze widly scanned the room, trying to decipher what they were gonna do next. I felt helpless... I didn't know what to do. All i could do was hold her hand.

I left her that night (Wednesday) and my sister and i returned the next day after lunch.. We'd been told that mum's op was going to happen approx 7-8am, which meant she'd be out by then. We got there and reception informed us she had just gone in, and we had a 2-3 hour wait ahead of us. We left and came back after she came out... She looked scared, old and in a lot of pain. I almost freaked out. I had my sister with me though, so i got it together..

Mum told us about how scared she'd been, and i got the sense she was downplaying it, which frightened me a bit. She'd never censor herself, not when it was something like this. The nurse came in and asked her a few questions which caught mum out, though. She admitted she'd been "absolutely terrified" and had been freaking out herself. The thing that bugs me is: if we'd been told about the op time, my sister and I would have been there... Mum wouldn't have faced the surgery alone.. I hate that she did. I really do. At least they called to let us know she'd come out and was fine...

She's at home now, looking and seeming much better. She is off her feet for 2 weeks minimum and Erin's gonna have to do a lot more to help out around the house... Should be a wake up call for her. Mum's not there to pick up after her. We'll see what she's made of.

Fairness? HA!

Last night was a HORRIBLE night a work. It wasn't just bad, it was almost what you would consider a nightmare to be... almost anything that could go wrong, did go wrong.. By the end of the night, i fully expected to be standing in a classroom, naked, with fish shaped like mars bars swimming round my ankles before i finally woke up.

I started at 5pm... Day's almost over, right? Not much happening? Wrong. From the second I got there, i knew i was in for a busy night.

Darren had called in sick earlier, so we were 1 person short to start with. One of the others, Shelly, had been called to come in earlier, but she turned up late. Frank gave me a hug almost the second i got there... she didn't seem to be having much fun...

I found out i was taking care of Reception AND the function. I figured that was a good thing, as it meant i wouldn't have any spare time to stand around and do nothing. Unfortuantely, the rooms weren't completely set, and there was a mad dash to get everything done. I spent the next half an hour at least setting up a conference room which i had to pull completely down and completely reset. While pulling the conference down, i noted the many mistakes made by whoever had set up the room, which i'm sure had something to do with Gavin, and i wasn't happy. How can i continue to do my job properly, when others can't do theirs?

He told me to pull down the room, moving the projector table out of the way, leaving all the previous functions workbooks and stuff on it, as the room had to be REset for them again today. Again, was not happy. He doesn't know what the hell he's doing! The room was to be set for theatre style last night. That means lots of chairs. Generally, that also means they are looking at something... Like a presentation. How can they set up a presentation, when the table they need to rest their gear on, is sitting in the corner of the room with a mound of books on it? Idiot. I fixed his mistake. Moron probably doesn't even realise.

Next problem was the dinner we had last night for Workways. I saw David there!!!! Sorry, David, but i couldn't stop to talk... My boss would have killed me!! Frank and her BF set that room, as per Gavin's instructions, and yet again, there was no table set up for a presentation. The function order said it was to be set as open rounds... Obviously they're open for a reason! Idiot.

I don't know what he did wrong with the ATO conference, but i heard one of the organisers chewing Gavin out for a few things that went wrong. I was beyond caring at that point. If he wasn't prepared to do things right, then he could suffer the consequences. I know hes probably trying his best, and that i shouldn't give him a hard time for it, but you know what? He doesn't belong there. Gavin used to be the head chef. He was supposed to be leaving, til Kylie walked out. Whoever thought it was a smart idea to put him out the front, was on drugs at the time... He's not suited for the job. His mistakes are costing us more than they realise... r they would be if i wasn't there to clean up after him sometimes. I won't not do it. Our customers are our priority, so if i have to pick up after Gavin, then so be it.

I wrote an angry email to him last night, before i left work. Frank, her BF and i had stayed til the end, and we were exhausted, sore, and tired and angry. I may have sounded a bit more pissed off than i'd thought, though, since my boss called me this morning to tell me she was "concerned about the email you sent". It's the only reason i'm writing this post, to tell you the truth. The email last night got rid of most of my anger, so i thought i was over it... Obviously not.

I'll take the consequences. I'm beyond caring. I just hope Frank and her BF remember to blame me. I don't want them in trouble, too...

My present to me!

I get my new computer tomorrow! (Friday) I have to drive halfway to Mildura to get it, as my dad had it built up there for me, but i'm really excited about it. Been after a new comp for a while, now, and even though it cost me more than i wanted to pay (doesn't everything), i'm finally picking it up tomorrow.

Mark's gonna drive with me, so i don't have to drive the 4-5 hours alone (6 with stops :D Ice cream!), lol. And, i think, because he wants to drive my car home... Which i MAY let him do.

I can't wait to play with it. A friend from WA gave me some "suggestions" on what he felt i needed, but he neglected to remember that i am not a big gamer... The modifications he was making to the quote i recieved from the company who built it were to turn my comp into an awesome gaming comp. Not what i want or need. But he helped. I upped the ram. So i did listen to you, Bryn. :D You are useful! Unlike Paul! hehe

See yas!

Amber needs a holiday...

You know how there are times when you just want to stop, think about what is you are doing, at that exact moment and over all in life, and wanted to scream so loud, people who have been dead since the dawn of time will hear you?

I haven't gotten that bad yet. But it's building.

I don't know what it is, but i feel as though i have too many thing expected of me, and i haven't had time to simply be me in a long time. The only escape i get these days is time on MSN, and when i talk to people on WoW. hehe.. I'm a nerd. (Paul :P)

I needs a holiday. A reprieve. Just some time away from commitments, from expectations, and from my own mind.

It won't happen. You know as well i do. Work's too demanding. And i'll feel really guilty for ditching my Thursday night commitments. The girls count on me being there.

I guess, then, that i need a holiday for my mind, since my body won't be going anywhere.. hehe.

Something i've noticed lately is that my boss is extra stressed out. Usually i'll get chewed out pretty often, since she takes her bad moods out on me, but lately, almost nothing. I think she might be treading softly, hoping i won't walk out on her. The thought has crossed my mind quite a bit, but i won't do it. As much as she drives me crazy, it's not her i'd be walking out on, really. It the establishment, and the rest of the staff. Plus, Frank would kill me!

So for the meantime, i will persist. Broome's coming closer, probably should start to think about working things out for that now, but it's still a fair way away. I'm hoping i'll get to leave when i want to. Best laid plans.. hehe. Been saying that a lot lately.

For those of you wondering, Harry Potter 7 was awesome, as expected. Kitty and i went to Melb the day we got it, so we picked up the book from Big W, then hopped on a train. We read the book there and back. Our train was 45 mins late on the way home, so we read more than we thought we would. It was great. Took me til 5am Sat/sun morning to read the lot. It was worth it.

The 5th movie was great. It was the first Harry movie i sat through without exclaiming"I can't believe they left that out!" I was very impressed. Granted there was quite a bit left out, but it was not noticed as much as the last movies, which left out crucial information. I was very impressed with the scenes at the Ministry, when the DA are running from Death Eaters. Really well done. Ginny's performance capped it off nicely.

That's it for now. I'm bored. lol

Sorry... bad day...

Good afternoon, people. How's life?

Me? Getting better.

I'm writing this post to pretty much apologise for my last post. I was angry and hurt and upset and it was a very minor lash out. Greg hurt me a lot, more than he will probably ever realise and i will never forgive him for it, but i am recovering. I've learnt a lot from it, like that all men are liars and that they can't have female best friends without something more there, but that's not what this is about.

I hope that one day we can become friends, but the way things are going right now, I'm not going to be here to see it. I'm moving to Broome in March next year. I've already begun to plan it. I'm gonna miss so many people, but it's something i need to do.

I know that hurt abates over time, and maybe i can talk to Greg one day without wanting to cry or punch him for everything he's done. I will not go into the details of our breakup, you don't need to know it, but i will say this:

Greg, i read your blog and i have to say, i had more respect for you in the first few months we were together than you did in our whole relationship.

I don't hate you, i can't, but i do regret how things ended and how we were when i left.

Speaking of leaving... Stupid Tim!! My supervisor at work is leaving and it sucks in the biggest way. He was he only one we (the staff) had to talk to. Our other supervisor is not confidant material and the bosses are the ones we complain about. I hope whoever replaces him does not become their pet. We're screwed if he/she does.

See ya's soon.

It's all over!

Yeah, Greg broke up with me. Apparently, i am really annoying and he's in love with Nicole.

"We don't work!"

Go figure.

Hi, long time no blog

Wow.... it's been a while since I updated this... I think i just have had too many other things on my mind (cough) World of Warcraft (cough) ... Who said that??

So much has happened since my last blog, but i'm gonna start with the biggest. 4 days ago i was in a car crash.

It wasn't a bad one, thank God. I wasn't hurt and neither were the people in the car with me nor the other car involved. What happened was: I was driving to Audi supermarket in Traralgon to go food shopping with Greg and Mark. As we approached the intersection near NQR, the lights went yellow. I started to slow down and i saw that the car in front of me was going through the lights, as they hadn't slowed. At the last second, they braked and stopped halfway over the line. Not expecting them to be there, I slammed on the brakes and slid into them.

We drove round the corner and pulled over so we could talk. At that point, my concern was only for the other car. Two older people got out and i apologised proffusely. The woman kept saying, "but it was a yellow light. Didn't you see it?" It wasn't until later i realised i'd been shaking. No one else noticed, i think.

The man didn't see too concerned, i think he knew he was at fault as well... His car's bumper was dinted, and his boot wouldn't open. My cars front bumber had a few sctraches and my bonnet won't close fully, but as i said, i'm just happy no one was hurt. It could have been so much worse if i hadn't been slowing down...

I spent the rest of the day trying not to cry as i had work that night. Everyone kept telling me not to go to work, i was too shaken up, but i really didn't have a choice. There was NO ONE to cover me. If hadn't gone, it would have been Darren and Frank (female) on their own, with the cafe to look after, as well as a dinner function and another function. I couldn't do that. When we finally made it to Audi, felt fine so i messaged the only person i figured i wouldn't cry from messaging, my supervisor, Tim. I was wrong. Just thinking about it made me cry.

I refused to call my mum or my friends as i knew i'd not make it to work. I had Greg call my mum. :( When i got to work Frank as me what was wrong, and i almost fell apart. I just told her "please don't ask me that." The night ended up being okay; my boss, the male one, came over and talked to me about it and i felt a little better, so thanks to him. I don't think he even realises he helped me.

The next big thing that's happened? Kylie walked out of work in the middle of service. It was amazing, i never thought she'd do it, but she did. What happened was: I was taking food out to my table and i was missing 1 meal, a calamari, I asked here if it was coming and she said "yeah, no one told me the plate was ready." I asked her if she was okay and she said she was pissed off cos everyone was having a go at her for no reason. "And someones still pissed off at me for last night"

At that point, my boss, the female one, perked up. "Excuse me?"

"What?" Kylie asked.

"WHat did you just say?"

"Nothing."

"It was not nothing, what did you say?"

"It's none of your business," she all but yelled.

"It is my business, it's my restaurant."

"Fine then, you can have it, i'm gone." She took off her apron and walked out of the kitchen. I walked out at this point. I didn't want to see the rest. I didn't want her to go. She's the only reason i'm still sane in that place. Apparently, she'd said, "I'll be back to collect my knives."

My boss said the next night that not only had Kylie quit, but Gavan, the head chef, was leaving in 4 weeks. Apparently he was sick of all the shit that goes on. Who isn't?

My boss needs to realise that she can only push people so far...