The manditory first post

Well, this is my second foray into blogging, as i previously started one in Myspaces but i was informed that that was not a good place. I never wanted to start a blog, had no interest in it whatsoever but today i felt the need to sit and wite something, tell someone how i was feeling and this seemed the next best course of action to me (my closest friend is at work).

I go to a writing course two days a week as i have been for the past two years (this is my third and definately my last). This year for me has been what i call a filler; I'm there because if i wasn't, i'd be sitting on my ass at home doing jack shit and wasting my time. Plus, my boyfriend goes and it gives me more time with him. Anyway, this year has been a year of disappointment with me, not because of the classes or the teacher, Catherine is great, but i know i'm not putting my all into it and i can't help but feel angry at myself. I can't seem to do anythng about it, either. The problem is, i got my Certificate in one year instead of two and i got my Diploma last year so i'm there for no real reason this year. My mind had automatocally made the leap of "Why should i do this? I don't have to and i don't need to". I don't need to pass this course as i already have the qualifications it can give me, but my concience won't let me simply turn up to class and do nothing, neither will the teachers.

Damned if i do, damned if i don't, as far as i am concerned. The two classes i am doing are complete opposites. One is Myths and the other is Non fiction project. I have an interest in food writing as i have a base in hospitality, so i thought the non fic class was the way to go. Boy, was i wrong. Instead of being able to do what i want, i was practically pushed into my assignment by my teacher (who is a fantastic person, by the way) and i have no interest in it whatsoever, even though we are doing presentation on them tomorrow. It sucks!

I feel as though my life is not my own and there is nothing i can do about it. I live at home with my mum and my sister and although i love them dearly, i can't help but feel they are holding me back, they are pushing me, like my teacher, into things i don't want. Maybe it's just me, but it's a feeling i've been having for a while and i can't seem to shake. Perhaps it is because i am the eldest child that my mother is so... not clingy and not pushy, but something along those lines, i can't describe it!

As much as i love her, i need my space and that is not possble at this juncture. Other people have rule over my life; my boss, supervisor, mum, teachers, children's leader... Ugh, sorry for babbling on....

So, as you can tell, i've been feeling very frustrated as of late. Anyway, now that that is over, here are a few things about me; My name is Amber. I am 21 soon to be 22. I live in Australia and i love this country. I am a proud Aussie, can't you tell? That's enough for now.... if you want more, read my profile.

Thanks for listening... well, reading....