2-3 weeks left. I don't think I'm gonna make it. Baby's going to come early, i feel it.
I've been struggling with the pregnancy thing the past couple of weeks. I see people I know all the time, and they all ask the same thing "Are you getting excited?" I always gave the same answer "Yeah, getting there" but the truth is, up until Sunday, no, not really. None of this has felt real. It still feels like it's happening to someone else.
I read something on a website that a doctor had written. It said that at about 32 weeks, you should start to sense when your baby was awake, start to feel it kicking more often. I wasn't getting any of it. The only way I knew it was awake was when it moved, and it almost never kicks. Bloody thing doesn't stop moving around, though.
But on Sunday I had the second of two antenatal classes. The first week was all about labour. This week was more about afterwards. I finally started to feel better about all of it. Felt like this actually was happening, and that everything was going to be okay. We got to watch a baby being bathed.
I don't know why it affected me so much, but it did. The baby was 2 days old, and was so small. The midwife running the class showed us step by step how to bathe a baby, but I don't think anyone was paying attention. We were all watching the tiny thing in her arms. It cried the whle, way through, except when she picked it up and rocked it. It was a great thing to watch and now I can finally say, yes, I'm getting excited.
2 comments:
You know I don't think anyone really understands what an impact that small little individual will make until you have it your arms. When I was pregnant with my first I felt normal and just did normal things not really fully understanding that I had another human beings welfare in my hands. It was only when I layed eyes on my tiny son did an overwelming unconditional love punch me in the chest. I would have died for him... the love was even stronger then what I had and still have for my husband. I suspect it will be that strong until I know my children are old enough to get on in this world without me. But even so the bond is unbreakable.
Its a punch I wish I could feel over and over and over... I envy you having your first. I would have had a dozen if I didn't have such pregnancy problems and a one in four chance of another child with autism.
Good luck Amber
I'm wishing you lots of uncondtional love.
Carmel
I was in denial for the first 5 months, as Chris and I had never even talked about having kids. So i went about life as usual.
I still feel as though it's not completely real, but I am assured that that is normal. I've never had someone to look after so entirely before, and because the baby's not a tangible thing yet, it's still just a shadow, a bump in my life, so to say, that will disappear soon... I just can't seem to grasp the importance. I am responsible for a tiny life...
My mind keeps saying to me "who in their right mind would give you that responsibility?"
My only hope is that the baby comes out healthy... and that it doesn't hate me from first sight.
Your words do give me some comfort, Carmel, thank you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who's felt this way.
Here's hoping.
Amber
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