I keep neglecting this thing.. Probably cos I have facebook and I update my status instead of updating my blog. Anyhoo, how is everyone? Well, I hope. I'm doing pretty well, I guess. Alex is happy and growing, the new baby is due in 4 weeks, though I've had a couple of times already where I've thought I might have gone in to labour, so I'm expecting an early birth. I recognise that I said that about Alex, so I can always be wrong.
We still don't have a name picked out for a boy. I'm 100% sure it's a boy, where as Chris thinks it's a girl. We don't know who is correct because the guy who did my ultrasound didn't bother looking, just told us the legs were crossed when we saw quite clearly that they weren't. At that point, I could have gone back to find out, but it was $160 I didn't have to spend to find out, when I'd find out eventually anyway. So it's a surprise.
I can't believe how fast this past year has gone. Alex is 11 months at the end of this month. It seems like only last week that we were bringing him home from the hospital. And now we're about to have another one! In a way, I can't wait. I loved Alex as a baby... more so now of course, but they're so tiny, so precious, something to protect, to care for, to love unconditionally.. it's like nothing else you'll ever experience.
Alex's top two teeth are finally almost through, so his nappy rash cleared up... Almost made me cry every time I changed him cos I knew how much pain i was causing him and I hated it.
Everyone around me seems to be getting married. Mark and Nic in August, Rhiannon sometime soon, and a few other people, and people keep asking me and Chris if we're going to get married. I think people ask because they want everyone else to be as happy as they are, and they see that they only way is for the other people to get married, too.
Chris wants us to get married, so does his family and mine, but I just don't know how I feel. I know these days marriage's are as disposable as nappies, but I still see myself getting married and staying with the person I marry forever. Is that person Chris? I'd like to think so, but if he asked me to marry him now, I don't think I'd say yes because I want to say yes, and to mean it.
I think couples who jump in to marriage are too immature to really understand what they're getting into and they need to take a good look at themselves and their partners and really ask themselves if that is what they want. If there is even the slightest bit of doubt, don't do it. Wait a bit longer. It's not like it would make much of a difference. Better to wait to get married, than be a 20 something divorcee..
I've been thinking lately about grudges I've been holding. I don't usually hold a grudge. I'm usually the first person to get over it and move on, but there are some things in your life that happen, and they make you hurt/sad/angry and you find it hard to move past them. Relationships are usually the hardest to move past.
My father and his GF broke up about a month and a half ago, and their breakup seemed very familiar to me. When they got together 5 years ago, he said to her that if she ever found someone else, all she had to do was tell him and he'd move aside. Instead, when she wanted out of the relationship, she made up lie after lie after lie and it hurt him deeply. It made me think about my own experiences in being lied to. Why do people do it? To hurt you? To really stick the knife in? Or are they just so messed up themselves, that all they can do is lie to justify their doings to themselves..
It's not fun being lied to, it's why I avoid lying to someone as much as i can. I thought about my last relationship, and how badly that had ended cos of lies, and It made me wonder if people really do understand that we'd rather hear the truth, than a lie. If my ex had told me the truth of why he was breaking up with me, things would have gone much smoother and we may still have been friends. But, like my dad, all i got was lies, and how can you move past that and forgive that person when a simple truth was all you needed/wanted/asked for?
Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I realised that though I will never forget being lied to, I have gotten past it, if not totally forgiven the person. It just makes me sad now, that our relationship ended the way it did when it didn't have to. I hope my dad gets to this stage eventually. I know he's still at the anger and betrayal stage and will be for some time.
For now, that's all I have to say.. I have a house to clean up after a 10 1/2 month old tornado went through it :D Adios.
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